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I found this worth sharing. Tim
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| Dear Church Leader,
Your church is open to everyone. You are glad they attend, in fact, grateful that they would trust you with their spiritual journey. But at what point do you just “say no?” Blessings, “Can you Fire a Church Attender?” Maybe “fire” isn’t the right word. But can you say no to someone in a way that suggests your church might not be the right church for them? How do you balance loving and caring for a person and not allowing him or her to leverage their personal wants and maybe even their own agenda? I’ve been reading a great book titled The Orange Code – How ING Direct Succeeded by Being a Rebel with a Cause, by Arkadi Kuhlmann & Bruce Philp. (John Wiley and Sons, Inc. 2009) I’ve been reading it slowly, and thinking my way through it for a long time now. The chapter on staffing (“the Dirty Dozen” – We could be Heroes) is worth the book. There is another great chapter titled: “You Say You Want a Revolution?” that speaks to the topic of this article. Arkadi was working in the bank’s call center, as he regularly did, helping existing customers with routine transactions, helping new ones get signed up, and listening to the voices of real people. A woman from Florida with a sizeable bank account was on the line demanding that a printed statement of her account be mailed to her. Apparently the fact that she was wealthy gave her the idea that she was entitled and deserved special treatment. The book goes on to say that Arkadi politely explained that ING Direct did not offer this service, one of the ways it keeps costs down. The woman pushed the issue and got crankier by the minute. She said – A printed statement is the law. Arkadi, now beginning to lose his patience, corrected her. I love this line so I will give you a literal quote. He said: “The law says you have the right to own a gun,” “It does not say you have the right to a printed bank statement every month.” By this time she was fit to be tied and said something to the effect of- “Has no one ever taught you that the customer is always right?” This customer didn’t know she was talking to the ING’s founding CEO or how deeply committed he was to the business model. Finally, when Arkadi had had enough, he said: “That’s it. You’re not ready for this way of banking,” and closed her account. Basically, he fired her! The church is not a business, and the part of church operations that is business-like is certainly not like the banking industry. But ING makes a stirring point. At 12Stone I often say, “We’re not a Christian cruise ship.” We’re not here to bring you all the great programming you can think of. If we did everything we were asked to do we’d have dozens of programs from baseball leagues to classes in CPR. It’s all good and worthy stuff, but the church not only shouldn’t do all of it, it can’t. All these things and more exist in the surrounding communities. Encourage your people to go out and join in. Cast vision for your people to make a positive contribution in the community and take Jesus with them. I can’t remember the last time I actually said “no” to an idea, just no to 12Stone owning the idea. If the person is truly fired-up about it, they can go out and make it happen. For most of these discussions the person I’m talking to gets it, and we have a great conversation. I always try to offer ideas and potential resources if I know of something or someone related to what they want to do in the community. But on occasion, we get a “customer” like ING Direct did and the person simply demands that we do what they want. (Really). At that point we have a choice, we can bend the church’s vision, energy and resources to the individuals agenda or kindly let the person know that perhaps 12Stone is not for them. I never like to see anyone leave, and certainly not upset, but there are times that we have to let them go. There is tension in this — trust me, I know. I’m a pastor and my instinct is to shepherd the sheep not tell them to find another flock!! Again, I would never tell someone to leave and find another church, but that’s what they feel has been said when they don’t get what they want. Let me offer some principles within those tensions for you to think about. • Love everyone, but cater to no one. Jesus served everyone the Father directed Him to serve. We are to do no less. But Jesus never let anyone derail Him from his purpose. One of many stories that illustrate this is in John chapter 11. Mary and Martha’s brother, Lazarus was sick and dying. They pleaded with Jesus to come and heal him, but Jesus stayed where He was for two more days. I’m certain they didn’t understand in the moment. They were likely upset. Jesus loved Lazarus, Mary and Martha, but He remained on purpose. The tension is found in the fact that people are the purpose of the church, but Jesus never said His ultimate Kingdom purposes for the local were to be surrendered to any single individual. Keep the larger mission in mind! • Know what God has called you to do and don’t apologize for it. You can’t do everything, so do what you do well. Keep your list of ministries lean, very lean. Stick to the main thing. It is easily true that within the top five issues church leaders face is too little time and too much to do. And as a result, much of what is done is not done well. Be strategic. Use resources wisely. Listen carefully to the prompts of the Holy Spirit. I’m convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that God won’t give you more to do than you have time to do it in. So, if you have too much to do, maybe you are doing something God doesn’t need you to do. There are times for all of us that we press the pedal to the metal. But in this context, I’m talking about week after week and month after month – your long-term ministry lifestyle. So when you need to say no, don’t apologize. Let people know you (and the team) are on purpose, God is directing and there is no need to add more “stuff” right now, no matter how worthy it may be. And remember, the person(s) can always go do their great idea on their own. You don’t have to own everyone’s ideas. • Get used to the idea that your church isn’t for everyone. The message of Jesus Christ is for everyone, but your church is not, and that’s OK. It’s natural to be disappointed if someone who has been with you for a long time leaves your church. If someone visits your church for a while and doesn’t make it their church home that’s just part of the process. Don’t take it personally. In the same way that you on occasion must say no to people, they can say no to you too. If you try to make your church fit everyone you’ll end up with a much smaller congregation than you will if you know who you are, what you do, and you are good with that. You can love and serve everyone, but you can’t please everyone. If a family leaves, love them well on the way out and let them know they are always welcome to return as Jesus prompts them. People love confident leadership and a church that knows where it’s headed. Even if they don’t fully agree with you, your confidence and zeal is attractive. I hope you don’t have to “fire” many people from your church, but you will need to say no, and possibly more often that you like within your comfort level. Remember that the Kingdom is large and one day we’ll all be together . . . and then, of course, it will no longer matter! ABOUT DAN Dr. Dan Reiland serves as Executive Pastor at 12Stone Church in Lawrenceville, Georgia. He previously partnered with John Maxwell for 20 years, first as Executive Pastor at Skyline Wesleyan Church in San Diego, then as Vice President of Leadership and Church Development at INJOY. He and Dr. Maxwell still enjoy partnering on a number of church related projects together. Dan is best known as a leader with a pastor’s heart, but is often described as one of the nations most innovative church thinkers. His passion is developing leaders for the local church so that the Great Commission is advanced. As a communicator, Dan has a down-to-earth style that combines humor and strategic thinking. Each year he “coaches” many pastors and speaks to several thousand people, impacting lives and strengthening the local church. Dan and his wife Patti live in Dacula, Georgia with their two children Mackenzie and John-Peter. |
“This article is used by permission from Dr. Dan Reiland’s free monthly e-newsletter, “The Pastor’s Coach,” available at www.INJOY.com.”
Here is the report that Shar Kobb presented for her Masters of Divinity Class at AMBS.
You can also get the PDF version here: Shar Kobb
Pastor Tim
Where there is no vision, the people perish. -Proverbs 29:18a (KJV)
Three Simple Rules
Week #3: Staying in Love with God….Easy to say, easy to want, But do we?
I must be growing more feeble in my older young age, as I see a large number of people, in and out of the church, who always Praise God when things are going well. I never see them Praise God when things are going badly.
We live in the “Fast Food World of wanting everything right now”. Yet I have found that through my relationship with God, things happen on HIS time. For me loving God has been easy most of my life, Starting as a little boy and continuing today. However, the road has not always been the most pleasing for God, as I have had moments when I decided not to love him. Those moments have hurt me and made people around me suffer. When I was hurting, I wanted those around me to hurt as badly as I was. For me it made my hurting easier. Yet I knew that I was causing the problems, I was the one who was no longer caring or loving. I was the one who thought I loved God; only to find out I loved myself more.
As funny as this sound, this is where I think the church should be stepping up. I think that too many in the Body of Christ (church) have made the church an extension of their relationship with God. For some that has been a wonderful thing. But there are others who want the power, control, respect and a following of people. They always tell you how good they are and what they have done for their god.
This might be one of the reasons the organized church is failing in its efforts to minister to those around us. Maybe those we try to serve see that we really don’t Love and Serve God. Maybe they see that we do everything for recognition, certificates, control and personal glory.
I believe the church community needs to get down on our hands and knees and decide who we follow. Jesus asked Peter three times: Do you love me?
I think we need to bow down before Jesus so he can ask each and every one of us the same question.
Does your life show the answer you have given?
Just my thoughts,
PT
Today at Monson Community Church we started a three week adventure into Bishop Rueben Job’s understanding of John Wesley’s Three Simple Rules:.
Do No Harm,
Do Good,
Stay in Love with God.
We focused on Romans Romans 12:14-19 and Romans 13:8-9 as a basis to look at the first rule:
Do No Harm.
It is clear John Wesley believes that each of us must live a live that is holy and good. Each of us gets assistance on the journey through a caring community (church or covenant group) that helps us maintain a daily practice of discipline. Each of the disciplines provides ongoing help and instruction. They are necessary to help us stay focused on our journey of knowing God through Jesus Christ.
Wesley gave the Methodist movement General Rules which were the practical application of what it meant to follow Christ – they were outlined and the people were instructed on them within the class structure. Accountability for practice was centered in the classes that formed the United Societies (pg.17 & Discipline ¶103).
The General Rules became distilled into this behavioral trinity –“Do No Harm, Do Good, Stay in Love with God.”
Wesley issued the rules of the united societies in February 1743. Those who wished to enter the society must have “a desire to flee from the wrath to come, to be saved from their sins.” When admitted they were to give evidence of their desire for salvation “by doing no harm; by doing good of every possible sort; by attending upon all the means of grace.”
To Do No Harm is a practice of love and compassion for those we meet on our journey. It requires us to be Radical in how we look at others and our self. Jesus tells us in Mark 12: 29-31 that there is no other commandment greater than loving God with every ounce of our being and Love our neighbor as our self.
Yet on a daily basis we continue to fall short.
Jesus knew this would happen, so did John Wesley. Even though we will fail, we have the grace of Christ to help us overcome these human hurdles and allow us to have the ability to know how we should be. Each new day contains the offering to start over and do the very best we can do. They remind us of our duty as Sons and Daughters of God.
A lot has changed since 1743, and it is obvious to me that we have lost touch with the practices that John wished we would follow. It is too bad that we are not more accountable in our worship, care and outreach. I wish those of us who are part of the Wesleyan ~ Methodist movement would re-examine our call from God, and the way we go around proclaiming Jesus Christ. Could it be that while we were Bible Thumping and Banging in the heads of people to listen we actually did more harm?
I have never thought the Gospel was meant to be preached with Fire and Brimstone, or that you need a Louisville Slugger to make someone except Christ. I have found the Gospel message to be one of Love.
Maybe if we were to love those we meet as much as we say we Love God, the world would hear The Message.
I wonder how much Harm we have inflicted.
Who did you harm last week?
Just my thoughts
P.T.
We are in St.Paul Mn, at Northwestern College. We made a trip to the local Target store right down the road. While there I ran into a man who was on his cell phone. He was walking the store doing his shopping telling the person he was talking to about the fact that his life has been changed.
The man had really long hair, fully tattooed arms and was about 6 foot 4. He was telling the person on the other side how his life was almost $800 dollars “richer” each week since he started a relationship with Jesus Christ. He was telling the person on the phone about the new excitement that he felt. No need for Alcohol and the things he used to do.
He was excited, and looking forward to each new day….
Prior to going to the Local Target Store, we stopped at the State Fair Ground where I dedicated my Life to Christ at a Billy Graham Crusade in 1973.
Though the sites were different, the feeling was the same. It was there that I heard the Gospel in a new way. It was there that I heard God call me.
It takes courage and dedication to make changes.
Psalm 121 (NIV)
A song of ascents.
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
Where do you find your strength and Help?
Is it God, or is it in the things of man who can become God.
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth Ps 121:2
Just a thought!
Tim
Ephesians 5:31 (NIV)
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
On June 16, 2010 my wife, Kim (Fox) and I will be married 31 years. We meet in 2nd hour science class at the old Merrillville Junior High school in 7th grade. She had these funny looking cat eyed rimmed glasses; I wore the stylish big black framed kind. We had every class together except for Gym and Choir, I was in the Boy’s glee club, and she was in the Girls’ choir. We developed a friendship that had us taking many classes together throughout the rest of our time at Merrillville.
I went to ask her out on a date in our senior year, it took a lot of courage on my part and as we were talking she flashed a pre-engagement ring (at least that is my story, and I am sticking with it) in front and me and I remembered walking away. I remember not talking with her much our last year in high school.
I have always felt a calling to serve God, doing the Bert and Ernie Sunday School experience at Prince of Peace Lutheran in Merrillville during High School, preaching on Youth Sundays, and other wonderful things that I felt compelled to do, because I wanted people to have real joy in their life.
College time came, I went to the University of Evansville, it is always good for a Lutheran to attend a Methodist affiliated College, and I was having a good life. There were new horizons, new people, new relationships and the chance to do youth ministry at St. Mark’s Lutheran Church on Washington Street in Evansville. I was able to start serving the Lord through ministry.
Sometimes things happen in life that causes you to become down and out. I was very ill my second year in College, so ill, I went down to 157 in the course of several months. I was tired, sore and I had to come home from school…I was home and continued to keep getting sick. There were months of medicine, treatment, etc. I was taken to Mayo Clinic. After two trips, I was on the road to recovery. I started to live life again, But I had to get the strength to walk again, move my arms, use my hands, etc…I decided I was not going to be depressed or defeated.
In between the visit to Mayo, I was actually in an engagement with a wonderful woman. However, her father told me that it was not meant to be and that God had told him I was not the one for his daughter. Boy did I think he was wacky! After some time of agony, we went our separate ways. Remember life has a sense of humor and sometimes when you least expect it, Life does present new opportunities. Part of my recovery was to walk the Old Southlake Mall daily to get my legs working better. One day I ran into Kim Fox. {God did have a different plan for me!}
I was so happy to see Kim again and as we talked, I realized that I had just seen her the other day, while going down the road by my house. I thought she was married only to find out that she was not. She had just gone through a relationship that ended. We talked for a while – she made sure she told me where her mom worked in the mail. I was in seventh heaven; I went home to look up the Fox family in the phone book, only to find so many of them I had no clue as which family might be hers. After some time and some courage, I went to her Mom’s store, and I carefully asked how to reach Kim.
We started to date, however she let me know that I was not in her future, as she only dated skinny men, and those who had no illness, She was stubborn and so highly focused and driven I thought it was too much for me, this relationship is never going to work. Nevertheless, we continued to see each other. I even went to visit with her when she was home with Mono.
We were engaged on Super Bowl Sunday in 1979. It was supposed to happen on Valentine’s Day, but one thing lead to another, and I asked her if she would consider marrying me? She said yes!
Well we have been married for 31 years, we have had God in the center of our marriage for about 26 of those years, God was not gone, I was the one who had to take a break from God. I was bitter, I was angry and I blamed God for my life not being right. I later learned that I was stopping me, our marriage and the joy we were supposed to have. However, we made it through this together.
We have four wonderful children that I believe God gave us so we could help mold them for a HIM. We survived the loss of loved ones, her grandma Dorothy and my Dad within two weeks of each other in our second year of marriage. We survived my bruised ego, a failed family business that left us with 98% of the bills to pay; we survived the 14-16 hour workdays, we survived living in a small (very to small) house with four kids until the bills were paid. We have worked hard to help our kids know what we believe in and what we believe love is. Yes, we have struggled, we have starved, and we have had everything and almost lost everything. Yet we have been with each other no matter what has happened. From the deepest valley to the tallest mountain, we have done it together the best way we know how and God has been with us on the entire journey.
God gave me a blessing the day Kim came into my life. When I look back on my life, I am constantly reminded that God has given me a very special partner and wife. Kim is my blessing.
Well, as we prepare for the next year of our marriage, I want to say thank you to my Father and God, for giving me Kim. I look forward to our growing up and growing old together.
Looking back, I realize how much we are blessed. Each of our four children is as different as the stars. We have cried as our oldest Jessica served the US Army going to Iraq twice, and cried with joy when she arrived back home to us. We have celebrated as we watched our oldest son Andy dance on the ballroom floor, we have been blown away by the “Voice” that God has given our Jillian (a diva in training for Opera), and we have worked hard at assisting our youngest son Russ through the special journey’s he has had to travel. Each one of our children is extremely different, talented, special and unique. We would not give them up for anything in the world. Each one is a special blessing from God.
Well enough rambling, I could write a book, maybe I should…
Darling Kim,
I love you with all of my being, I love you because God has given you to me.
I want you to know that I cherish you.
I cherish our life, our ministry together.
Happy 31st Anniversary and I pray there will be many more.
Tim
Today: We meet as one church community, one Service instead of two.
Today: Some people loved the music; a few did not love the music.
Today: There was no pastor’s message, yet there was a pastor’s message.
Today: It was enjoyable to see the Thrive children share the Resurrection story of Jesus with us.
Today: There were faces of people I have not seen in a long time.
Yet while today was like any other Easter Sunday, Today was not like any other Easter Sunday
I gave up the pastors message time using the Title ‘Can I get a Witness’, at first wanting people to share the story of Christ in their life. However, one of our young people asked me last week if they could share something that was on her heart. She handed me a letter to read. I read the letter and said we would talk about it again today (Easter) and that I would let her share what was on her heart. Heart sharing can be difficult. When we share our heart, we also open our heart. I prayed on this all week, and decided since God did not strike me down with a lightning bolt, it must have been what he wanted done.
I warned the congregation that not everyone would like her words, and in fact, a few people might not like them at all. Therefore, she shared her heart, as well as several others who were compelled by her words. What was supposed to be a time of Witnessing for Christ, turned into a time when I believe an underlying hurt was brought out of the tomb!
One person shared about things as it related to people, tired of the backstabbing, the gossip and the hate that they felt, One person lifted up the fact that we are not doing enough for our young people, as they live in a different world then many of the older young people have ever experienced. One talked about his son who had passed away, and the loss he was still feeling. Another young boy shared the fact that he wanted to spend time with his dad, He was hurting, and I believe dad was hurting also, as dad came up and shared in the witnessing with his son. My wife shared about some of our journey together and the fact that God helped change her when she became a new creation in and through Jesus Christ.
While sitting and listening, I remembered a conversation several years ago with a former member of the church when she shared with me that she loved the church and she loved the people. However, she never felt any love in return from the people she loved… (She was in here late 60′s then)… After some time she believed God was calling her to a different church. Today she is a church where she feels loved.
Is it possible that through an awkward time of Easter Celebration the underlying struggle of this church was lifted up so healing could start to take place?
Is it possible that God has decided it is time for us to address the things that have held us in captivity?
Is it possible that we have been called to Resurrect into the Church and Community that God wants us to be, not what a handful want us to be?
Is it possible that through hard words, painful sharing, and live experiences we as a church are going to experience God in a new and wonderful lite?
Is it possible that today was Easter Sunday?
I am looking forward to next Sunday, what about you?
Christ is risen, have you embraced him?
It is the night before Palm Sunday; life has been difficult the past several weeks. Our youngest son has made some bad decisions and he has had to deal with the consequences that come from making bad decisions. He is 16, and he is still learning.
I have a friend who pastors a church that just keeps getting smaller and smaller. Every time the church does what they believe God is calling them to do a small number of people [who have been at the church ( way to long) most of their life] – do their best to put down the church, the people, the pastor, the ministry and everything else (excluding the things that they want to do or have done).
My son is 16 and still growing up; I wonder how old these people are?
What is a pastor to do? What should the church do?
We are called to love people, but what about those who cannot love themselves. What do you do with the people who have to make a stink and bully people around with hurtful and hate filled comments?
Are they content with running others out of the church?
Do they do this to feel better about themselves?
When is the church about God?
When is ministry about God?
On the other hand, is ministry about pleasing the few who cause grief for others?
Is ministry when you feel good about what you think you are doing for God?
Is it possible they have not seen the Lamb of God?
Maybe it is time for these people to deal with the consequences of their actions.
When is the community going to say enough is enough, take your hurt and hatred somewhere else?
When are these so called Christians going to See God?
One thing I know is that many churches have lost their Momentum and Ministry potential because of a few “Christians” who think that God does what they want him to do. That is too bad. I talk with many in ministry who share one horror story after another, and at some point you just have to ask the question why are these people Christian. Better yet, do they know what it means to be a Christian?
Does the church want to know the Lamb of God? Are we watching because we love HIM, or are we watching because it is what we have always done?
Think on these things.
PT
A new Way of seeing our Church Community
Then he added, “Pay close attention to what you hear. The closer you listen, the more understanding you will be given and you will receive even more. To those who listen to my teaching, more understanding will be given. But for those who are not listening, even what little understanding they have will be taken away from them.” Mark 4:24-25 NLT
In the preparation for Seminary class, I want to post some of the ideas and concepts that come from the book Cultivating Wholeness; A Guide to Care and Counseling in Faith Communities by Margaret Kornfield.
This is a very good book, dealing with communities. In this case a religious community we call the Local Church. Kornfield believes that “Communities have spiritual centers; they are lived out in human fashion”.
The idea that “communities have a spiritual centers; they are lived out in human fashion” is something many have never recognized. Many of us have not been in communities where we were encouraged to communicate with each other honestly or without any fear of harsh or bad treatment. This is where we should find the grace of God, yet it seldom happens. We do not take the time to listen to others. We seldom recognize that God has given each of us our own set of watercolor paints and that he encourages us to see the world in a uniqueness that is our own and share it through the lens he has provided. We learn to be somewhat honest, yet we do not embrace each other to hear new thoughts or ideas, or embrace really painful and honest sharing of those things that work or may not be working in our lives.
Many communities are actually working like a couple who are heading to divorce. They have become a unit of dysfunctional people. There is no way to resolve negative and harmful conflicts when there is no open communication. Yet, conflict can be one of the most positive things that can take place in a community, assuming there is a way to have honest and open dialogue. Agreeing that it is all right to disagree, seeing that there is always more than one way, one answer or solution. Positive and helpful communities see everything through the eyes of loving critic and not harmful personal and negative criticism.
Communities that work understand that cooperation is a requirement, and it is at the center of everything. They understand the value of human interaction, the melting of ideas and traditions. They recognize that everything through a new sense of understanding.
These communities flourish, seek new adventures and reach the goals that they set. They invite and encourage others to join them. They are not afraid of what they will discover while they are on the journey. They recognize that differing ideas, opinions and thoughts are not fighting. Conflict is their friend. Conflict is a growing tool. The resolution of issues and problems means the community is thriving and growing.
Most communities fall somewhere between the following extremes:
Communities that deal with conflicts:
Have a unique understanding that conflict is part of the creative and problem solving process. They do everything in love, and they agree that it is all right to disagree. They seek to understand before being understood. They embrace conflict as something to be worked through, not the actual problem itself. Understand that anger is part of the conflict process, however due to the unique nature of the community anger is actually reduced. These communities accept the ideas or differing positions presented. The community is flexible and can flow with the ‘opportunities’ before them. Listening is the major foundation of these communities. Each member strives to hear each other and in the case of a religious community, they strive to hear God. They also have guidelines that help the community travel through the differences they encounter, and they are always encouraging each other through mutual respect.
Communities that do not deal with conflicts:
Believe that fighting is the same as conflict. They do not see conflict as something positive. They are afraid of differences, or people who have a differing opinion. The Value of community members is based on being similar not different or unique. Change is a major threat. All conflict is a problem. Anger is not accepted or acceptable, and usually turns into resentment, expressed in hidden ways or actions. These communities only have one acceptable way, if you do not join their way, then you will not be welcomed. They have an Us versus them mentality. You must believe as they do, or you will not fit in. They believe that they hear each other, but in reality, they only hear each other because they have the same belief. These communities rely on God; however, they look to a present or past religious leader to be the voice of their belief. Someone from the outside generally resolves community Conflicts.
What is your church community like?
Which community would you like to join?
I wonder how many people are in the wrong community.
Blessings,
Tim
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